How Can I Be Sex-Positive with My Kids When I Don’t Like Sex?

Posted on January 24, 2012 by

Great question. I hear it often and always appreciate its implied desire for kids to attain the sexual fulfillment their parents missed. Not every parent likes sex; nor should parents have to. But it’s important that all parents put their sex-negative biases aside in support of their kids’ right to lives filled with sexual happiness. If you don’t like sex but want something better for your kids, here’s what you can do . . . Continue reading →

Posted in How to talk to kids about sex, Nurturing children, Sex-positive in a sex-negative world | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Things I’d Tell Kids If I Could Do It All Again

Posted on January 17, 2012 by

My partner, Debbie, and I had been dating for about fifteen minutes when I asked her if she had any interest in adopting Chinese twins. “Are you crazy?” she replied. “Probably,” I said, “but I really enjoy raising kids. I got a few things right the first time. Other things I messed up. This is our chance to be perfect parents!” Despite my impetuosity, she surprised me a week later by gracing me with a second date. That was six years ago. If, back then, we’d thrown caution to the wind, the dashing young Sheng Li and his sister, the beautiful orchid, Ching Lan, would be mid-way through kindergarten. They’d be starting to ask about sex and where babies come from, to which I’d respond, “Ask Debbie.” Debbie, in turn, would march them back in my direction. Here’s what I’d tell them . . . Continue reading →

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Sexually Precocious Kids Eagerly Await Our Guidance

Posted on January 10, 2012 by

A mom mentioned recently that her thirteen-year-old son was still “innocent”—sexually unaware, unexposed, and inexperienced, and that she hoped he’d stay that way for years to come. Good luck with that. Days later, a couple told me that their nine-year-old daughter had experienced her first kiss on the lips and came to them afterward to ask if it was okay to kiss with her tongue. While I’m skeptical that thirteen-year-olds remain sexually oblivious in today’s sex-drenched culture, the two conversations underscore the fact that different kids experience sexual awakenings at different ages, whether due to dissimilarities in hormones, sex drives, or social upbringings. Parents of  kids who appear “innocent” need to take a closer look. Parents of kids who are bouncing off the walls sexually at . . .  say . . . seven need to dive in with information, guidance, and support. Sexually precocious kids want all the blanks filled in. I know. I was one of them. Continue reading →

Posted in Age-appropriate exploration, How to talk to kids about sex, LGBT--sexual preferences and gender play, Nurturing children, Sex-positive in a sex-negative world, Sexual since conception | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Permitting Kids to Be Sexual Reduces Promiscuity

Posted on January 3, 2012 by

It might be counterintuitive, and it certainly flies in the face of conservative rhetoric, but it’s true. Kids who are well informed about sex and permitted to be sexual wait longer before having intercourse. In addition, when they start, they’re more cautious and conscious, resulting in fewer STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and morning-after regrets about the choices they make. Here’s why . . . Continue reading →

Posted in Age-appropriate exploration, How to talk to kids about sex, Nurturing children, Safe Sex, Sex-positive in a sex-negative world, Sexual since conception | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

If Your Child Says He’s Gay, He Just Might Be Right

Posted on December 27, 2011 by

I was recently reminded of the sweeping cultural changes occurring regarding sexual identification when a friend told me that her son had come out twice—first at seventeen, proudly announcing he was gay and second, four years later, awkwardly confessing he was . . . well . . . maybe straight or something in between, since he’d begun having feelings for women. In both cases my friend smiled at her son, hugged him fondly, and declared, “Whatever!” Continue reading →

Posted in LGBT--sexual preferences and gender play, Nurturing children | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment